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Prophet Muhammad Said: "My Lord, command me to do my duties, as he command me to tolerate with people." The book Al-Kafi, vol. II, p. 117.
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05/02/1397 08:00:00 ق.ظ

The disadvantages of delayed marriage

The disadvantages of delayed marriage

The disadvantages of delayed marriage

Translator: Hadi Moein
Source: Rasekhoon.net

Extracted from: Rasekhoon

Since sexual desire is strong, it can influence most of metal, emotional, mental and behavioral affairs of persons. Even persons and human schools follow options that lead to damages and chaos. One of them is the free relationship of girls and boys and friendship between them.

The free relationship of girls and boys and its consequences

Such a relationship means sexual relationship based on desire, will and satisfaction and the satisfaction of girl and boy is only limitation. Hence, sexual intercourse between a boy and a girl is accepted without marriage. However, most of religions and intellectuals accept sexual desire through marriage. The awareness of the consequences of such relationships can help the skills of a person in the management of conditions. These consequences include:

The libertinage of sexual desires

Excessiveness in meeting sexual needs does not only satisfy it, but it can also be destructive. Sexual desire is not like drinking water, drinking food and sleeping because if such sexual need is met freely, it can become more the same as mental desires such as rank, wealth and science. Breaking social rules and the boundary of a family in the free relationships of girls and boys can lead to committing sin and psychological consequences self-criticism, humiliation and isolation. According to Shahid Motahari: "In this case, if supply becomes more, desire for diversity will increase''. Since sexual desires never become satisfied, unlimited and unnecessary demand is unfeasible, and there are always a sense of deprivation lack of achieving dreams with it which leads to mental disorders and mental illness and its examples are now found in the Western world.

The sense of guilty

Violating social norms and breaking the boundaries of the family which occur in the free relationships of girls and boys lead to a feeling of guilt and psychological consequences such as self-control, humiliation, isolation, and distraction from social relationships.

Deprivation of exalted Values

In addition to satisfying physiological needs, humans must seek to satisfy their existential needs (need for security, attachment, respect, etc.) in order to achieve the highest human goals.
Rogers and Maslow consider the supreme human goal "self-flourishing", and Alport considers becoming a perfect man as an ultimate purpose.

The Forum also considers the implementation of talents and capabilities as ultimate goal. Achieving these important human goals depends on the satisfaction of all human needs desirably. Occasionally, physiological needs should be limited in order to achieve this important need because free communication and extreme attention to physiological needs including sexual needs prevent humans from achieving ambitious goals.
Hence, Forum states" when human beings gained more freedom in history, they became more lonely and isolated."

The emergence of social anomalies

Sexual freedom is an important factor for social maladministration and crime. Alexis Carl says
''Sexual desires are the master and the ruler of people. The history of nations the same as the history of families often depends on their sexual desires, and most of men have lost their wealth and honor to gonads.

Hurting women

Most of social harms in the free relationships of girls and boys are related to men. Ms. Jina Lambrosso says:
It is said that free sexual instincts are laid out, and anyone who is eager for pleasure and cuddling is desperate to follow his own desires although it appears to be be desirable, but it is harmful to women because enchanting and enticing women can easily seize the husband of others and pious women are witnessing the loss of their husbands and finally, in this world, there is no difference between pious and gay women. Freedom of relationship between men and women give little happiness to women, and instead, those who have a sense of motherhood and long-awaited social wishes lose their life little by little. It is not deserving that women who are admirable be sacrificed because of some persons. The common laws of the peoples of the world are that the interests of some persons should not be sacrificed the sake of pleasures of few persons. There is no doubt that the best solution is the way that the predecessors chose, their marriage.

Occurrence of emotional damages

Satisfaction of emotional needs must be controlled and lawful. Frequent emotional interactions between men and women have a lot of personal and social harms. Western sociologist, Evermore Mearish, says about the necessity of legitimacy in trust and affections
''The community must articulate emotions, and everyone understands how important it is to control and take responsibility for emotional states.

When there is an unstable relationship between girls and boys without a specific framework, each party can end these relationships regardless of other emotions, which can lead to irreparable harms. Hence, he believes that love has stages including psychic desires which is created through a relationship with a dear one. Both husband and wife experience joy and dignity through unity and durability because man cannot be united without desire for unity. As a result, as Mrs Lambrosso emphasizes
''The man in the world of love hopes that the woman's heart will open for him for the first time and she is the first person to come to him and woman wishes to be the last person to penetrate into the heart of the man. This matter is incompatible with free communication.

The emergence of psychological tensions

Free association with the opposite sex sometimes leads to emotional dependency between a girl and a boy. After a period of dependency, psychological separation is very difficult and problematic, and in such cases, young people experience severe depression. In many cases, both sides or one of them asks for the continuity of the relationship and on the other hand, marriage is not possible due to personal, family, economic and social characteristics. Hence, they will feel anxiety and will be caught in a deadly deadlock. (19)
In addition, in most of cases, this affective affection is a major pest for concentration which makes the mind involved and makes difficult to study and to concentrate in the classroom and to focus on work.

The emergence of spiritual problems

The free relationships of of men and women are considered as examples of lust and some narratives have emphasized the avoidance of lust. According to these narrations, lust empowers the heart from the love of God, is human killer, the path of the devil, the most ardent enemies, the corrupting of the religion, makes wisdom insane and causes regret at the resurrection and if we give it up, the heaven will be guaranteed for us. Quran states '' Whosoever overcomes his wisdom in his mind, he will be above the angels, and the one whose lust will overcome his mind will grow up from the livestock''.

The frequency of unstable marriages

The relationships of girls and boys are often formed by apparent attraction and the basic condition for a successful marriage is not the respect of abilities between the parties. As a result, the success rate will be reduced.

On the other hand, emotional relationship between two genders ends with dependency and defects are not recognized. The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him and his family) said in a famous narrative "Love makes persons blind." When emotions subside, defects appear and marital satisfaction and homeland disputes form.

Hence, love is not enough for the formation of a successful marriage, but the inclusion of similarities and the sameness of social classes are necessary conditions. For this reason, according to some studies in the United States, among a hundred marriages along with previous love, ninety-three of them have suffered a painful defeat, and in France, the average life expectancy of each marriage is three and a half.

The reduction of marriage

Free relationship with opposite sex will also reduce marriage in the community because according to the rationale of the exchange, when people they can achieve their goals in a succession easily and with little cost and can satisfy themselves in this way, they will not have much motivation to replace the practices associated with marriage. On the other hand, many proper marriages collapse little by little due to these kinds of free relationships in a family because the continuation of such a situation provides a favorable context for the emergence of tension, disagreement, abuse, betrayal and divorce considering the attraction of relationships between girls and boys.

The decrease of sexual pleasure

Although the free relationship of boys and girls increases sexual-psychological thirst, the continuation of this situation and the repeated experience of sexual stimuli increase the threshold of sensory stimulation and reduces the true sexual enjoyment in turn. Eliminating sexual pleasure creates malicious effects in relationship between spouses and provides an inconsistency. In religious trains, prostitution has been introduced as a sexual pleasure. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his family) says "Do not pollute yourself with adultery that Allah delivers the pleasures of the wives from within you."

In addition to the above matters, sexual violence against women, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, increase of single-parent families and the spread of STDs (such as AIDS) are other consequences of free relationships between boys and girls.

Friendship with opposite sex and its consequences

Relationship with opposite sex begins with friendship and can be short-term or long-term and can be done at different levels. The tendency of girls and boys to s friendship with opposite sex at the beginning of adolescence begins due to the awakening of the instincts and intensity of emotional states. Having a friend confirms and reinforces self-confidence and provides some emotional needs.

Some boys consider having a girlfriend as a desirable action, social power and successful way of life and when they do not have the ability to form a family through marriage, some of them resolve their sexual and emotional needs through extreme friendships. In contrast, some girls regard relationship with boys as an attraction, and their idea is that these friendships will lead to marriage.

Although some Western psychologists have considered benefits for friendship with opposite sex, many of them have written in books and articles about family, sexual behavior, women's psychology, aggression and the emergence of jealousy and have mentioned the following consequences:
- Hiding and distorting identity.
- Envy.
- Increased violence at romantic appointments.
- Tendency to alcohol.
- Tendency to drug abuse.
- Increased driving accidents.
- Exacerbation of family conflicts.
- Sexual assaults on familiar individuals (rape of romantic appointments).
- Delinquency and behavioral abuses.
- Advanced Sex Solutions.
- Having sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS.
- Unwanted pregnancies.
- The enforcement of early marriage.
- Emotional and exciting disorders.
In 1991, Kozzarek and Beckland, in an essay titled "The Burden of Exclusion, A Dissociation of a Teenage Romance" published in the 26th issue of the Adolescent Magazine showed that when the emotional relationship of two people was cut off, both suffered from fatalities and mourns, which are more severe for girls. The loss of education, the appearance of physical problems, neglect of dress and appearance, the abandonment of family and professional responsibilities, staying alone in your room, listening to tragic music, and the simultaneous engagement of a former person are one of the most striking examples of the reaction to separation.

Blask and Bass in 1994 found out with survey of 121 high school students that the self-esteem of persons who had long been afflicted with relationship with one or more boys or girls decreased. Jounier & Oudry's study in 2000 also showed that depression symptoms in girls and boys who were involved in romantic relationships increased. One of the most important consequences of friendship with opposite sex is the unwanted and compulsory force of sexual intercourse. This phenomenon, which transforms the seemingly sweet and heartfelt friendship into an aggressive arena of oppression and hostility, is one of the most striking forms of violence in modern contemporary society. Abel Lawrence defended his doctoral dissertation in psychology in 2007 entitled "The Romantic Date and Mental Health of Adolescents" at a US university. In a longitudinal study on 1316 adolescent girls and boys aged 13 to 18, he showed that having an emotional and romantic relationship with opposite sex reduced self-esteem and increased depression. At the time of friendship, teens were more likely to experience these two psychological problems. Of course, girls experienced more depression than boys, and the self-confidence of boys decreased more than girls. .
Another study showed that in a mixed sample of girls and boys, 59 percent of girls was victims of physical violence and 96 percent was victims of psychological violence, and 15 percent had been forced to practice sexual intercourse.
Hazenbadz criticized the date of girls and boys because its consequence was the creation of superficial relationships. Multiple appointments (with a large number of people at a time) caused the end of such relationships due to low levels of conflict in relationships; therefore, it prevents the development of meaningful emotional relationships. He believes that this chain leads to conflicts in the relationships of love and instability in marriage.
One of the most important consequences of friendship with opposite sex is unwanted and compulsory sex intercourse. This phenomenon which transforms the seemingly pleasant and heartfelt friendship into an aggressive arena of oppression and hostility is one of the most striking forms of violence in modern contemporary society.
Until the 1980s, it was imagined that rape was done by a deviant alien who suddenly attacked a woman in order to meet sexual need violently, but since then, according to some studies in the United States and Europe, it was declared that in the society, another type of rape was common that perpetrators and victims knew each other well and had long been friends. Since that time, the term "rape in romanticism" or the more comprehensive and wider term "familiar aggression" became common among people and entered the scientific articles and books of those countries.
Today, researchers find it difficult to admit that sexual assault and rape are due to sexual misconduct or the viciousness of the perpetrators as it turned out that most of perpetrators did not have deprivation of sexual intercourse and were not more criminal than others. Good, decent and trusty boys were provoked sexually in the special situations of romantic dates, and they forced their opposite sex friends into sexual intercourses.
The most important reasons of these situations include alcohol consumption, drug use, sexually explicit videos, the existence of girls and boys in a private place, the inappropriate covering of girls and their stimulating movements. In addition, the prolongation of friendship and the emergence of a primal casual relation to a stable relationship as well as communication misconceptions and misconceptions that both parties have from their non-verbal behaviors can also lead to violence and rape in romantic relationships.
In Iran, due to the religious and moral atmosphere of the community, there are few friendships between girls and boys and due to family and social restrictions, the relationships of the two sexes in these friendships are not usually much advanced; however, surveys show that in a few cases, these friendships damaged both of them or one of them seriously. For example, in 2000 in precise and random statistical population of girls and boys in high school in four towns, two thousand students responded to three questionnaires on "relationship with opposite sex", "mental health" and "practice of religious beliefs". The analysis of the results showed that adolescents which had friendship with opposite sex significantly showed the symptoms of anxiety, depression and psychiatric disorders more than those adolescents that did not have such friendships and the level of their religiosity was lower.
In 2003, out of a population of 62,000 male and female students in another city, 3,200 people were selected as a sample by cluster random sampling. They were answered the questionnaires with the content of the relationship with opposite sex, mental health, social mental damages (suicidal tendencies, escape, etc.), satisfaction with gender, satisfaction with appearance and family relationships, and acting on religious beliefs. In this comprehensive study, students were divided into four groups in terms of relationship to opposite sex:
- those who had relationship with opposite sex during the research.
- Teens who had cut off their previous connections at that time.
- Girls and boys who were interested in one of opposite sexes, but that person was not aware of that interest.
- Those who did not have relationship with opposite sex neither in the past nor in the present, whether one-way or two-way.
The organizers of the survey had defined "communication" as emotional attachment along with secret contacts without the awareness of family.
The results of the research showed that the first group in the terms of moral and social harms, psychological stresses and the weakness of beliefs and religious practices were worse and lower than others. The second group was ranked second in the terms of social damages and the weakness of religiosity. The third group was morally and religiously well but psychologically suffered from depression symptoms. On the contrary, the fourth group was in a higher rank in all aspects such as mental health, ethical health, and loyalty to religious beliefs.

In conclusion, although friendship with opposite sex gives emotional and instinctive emotional excitement at the time of communication, but it causes psychological stress, distraction, and breaking norms and since it is hidden, illegal, and immoral , in the same period of lust, it reduces the motives educational progress , the level of religiosity and family satisfaction and increases sensitivity to appearance and body as well as pessimism and jealousy to opposite side, and it is more disastrous that when the relationship broken , it leads young ladies to the sense of worthlessness, suicide, loneliness and the consuming of drugs.

Self-control and management of problems before marriage

Islam has enforced laws for the necessity of sexuality behavior based on the honorable rank of human and the prevention of free sexual relationships for the introduction of the growth and perfection of the individual and society. These rules include:

Imam Sadiq (PBUH) says "emphasis on chastity in relation to opposite sex;
If there is not chastity, people will not avoid doing ugly actions and using vulgar words ...''
Creating a negative attitude towards following animal instincts; Imam Ali (as) said
''The beginning of lust is a joy and happiness, and the end is suffering and difficult''.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his family) also said
'' I fear three things over the nation of Islam: ... as well as sexual lusts.

Creating a negative attitude toward a strong attachment to other men and women and advice and inspiration in the presence of this; Imam Ali (as) said
''Anyone who falls in love will be blinded by his eyesight and his heart will become sick''.
It is recommended having piety in our eyes, ears, tongue and touch because sexual mistakes start with such senses. Sometimes eyes sees and the heart becomes captured and ears hear and instinctive needs intensify and the tongue says, and cuddly relationship begins, and touching wakes up sleeping needs. In verses 30 and 31 of Surah Nour , Almighty God commands believing men and women to overthrow their eyes in dealing with alien women and men;
قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِینَ یَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَیَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِکَ أَزْکَىٰ لَهُمْ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِیرٌ بِمَا یَصْنَعُونَ
Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.
وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ یَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَیَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا یُبْدِینَ زِینَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا ۖ وَلْیَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُیُوبِهِنَّ ۖ وَلَا یُبْدِینَ زِینَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا لِبُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَائِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَاءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَائِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَاءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِی إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِی أَخَوَاتِهِنَّ أَوْ نِسَائِهِنَّ أَوْ مَا مَلَکَتْ أَیْمَانُهُنَّ أَوِ التَّابِعِینَ غَیْرِ أُولِی الْإِرْبَةِ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ أَوِ الطِّفْلِ الَّذِینَ لَمْ یَظْهَرُوا عَلَىٰ عَوْرَاتِ النِّسَاءِ ۖ وَلَا یَضْرِبْنَ بِأَرْجُلِهِنَّ لِیُعْلَمَ مَا یُخْفِینَ مِن زِینَتِهِنَّ ۚ وَتُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ جَمِیعًا أَیُّهَ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ لَعَلَّکُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ
And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband´s fathers, their sons, their husbands´ sons, their brothers or their brothers´ sons, or their sisters´ sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss.
Imam Ali (AS) said in the interpretation of this verse:
'' Since the forbidden look is the cause of forbidden relationships and sinful relationship with alien men and women''.
Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) also said
'' Looking at alien women and men is one of Satanic purposes and it leaves long-time regret''.
Men and women are also advised not to hear music that strengthens sexual imagination and creates a passion for relationship with other alien men and women. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him and his family) said "Ghana (the good music of festivities and occasions) the charm of sexual intercourse is forbidden''.
In narrations, emphasis is placed on the chastity and the use of graceful words, and it is forbidden to touch the body of other men and women even if it is their body. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his companion) said "The one who shakes hand with other alien men and women will be under the wrath of God."

In addition to the above matters, a special recommendation is also given to women because the apparent and behavioral appeal of women for men is far more than the attraction of men for women, and men against opposite sex have less restraint than women. Therefore, on one hand, God has created men in a way that they need women and on the other hand, women are advised to cover their beauties so that men achieve them (through marriage). Hence, the observance of hijab which aims to preserve the value of women and to protect them from the authoritarian abuse of men is obligatory for women. In fact, women's hijab is a deterrent message to men so that they can be treated with caution and with appropriate behavior. Hijab is also a way to restrict men in an easy way of enjoying a woman.
Quran emphasizes on hijab by women;
یَا أَیُّهَا الَّذِینَ آمَنُوا لَا تَدْخُلُوا بُیُوتَ النَّبِیِّ إِلَّا أَن یُؤْذَنَ لَکُمْ إِلَىٰ طَعَامٍ غَیْرَ نَاظِرِینَ إِنَاهُ وَلَٰکِنْ إِذَا دُعِیتُمْ فَادْخُلُوا فَإِذَا طَعِمْتُمْ فَانتَشِرُوا وَلَا مُسْتَأْنِسِینَ لِحَدِیثٍ ۚ إِنَّ ذَٰلِکُمْ کَانَ یُؤْذِی النَّبِیَّ فَیَسْتَحْیِی مِنکُمْ ۖ وَاللَّهُ لَا یَسْتَحْیِی مِنَ الْحَقِّ ۚ وَإِذَا سَأَلْتُمُوهُنَّ مَتَاعًا فَاسْأَلُوهُنَّ مِن وَرَاءِ حِجَابٍ ۚ ذَٰلِکُمْ أَطْهَرُ لِقُلُوبِکُمْ وَقُلُوبِهِنَّ ۚ وَمَا کَانَ لَکُمْ أَن تُؤْذُوا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَلَا أَن تَنکِحُوا أَزْوَاجَهُ مِن بَعْدِهِ أَبَدًا ۚ إِنَّ ذَٰلِکُمْ کَانَ عِندَ اللَّهِ عَظِیمًا
O ye who believe! Enter not the Prophet´s houses,- until leave is given you,- for a meal, (and then) not (so early as) to wait for its preparation: but when ye are invited, enter; and when ye have taken your meal, disperse, without seeking familiar talk. Such (behaviour) annoys the Prophet: he is ashamed to dismiss you, but Allah is not ashamed (to tell you) the truth. And when ye ask (his ladies) for anything ye want, ask them from before a screen: that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs. Nor is it right for you that ye should annoy Allah´s Messenger, or that ye should marry his widows after him at any time. Truly such a thing is in Allah´s sight an enormity.
یَا أَیُّهَا النَّبِیُّ قُل لِّأَزْوَاجِکَ وَبَنَاتِکَ وَنِسَاءِ الْمُؤْمِنِینَ یُدْنِینَ عَلَیْهِنَّ مِن جَلَابِیبِهِنَّ ۚ ذَٰلِکَ أَدْنَىٰ أَن یُعْرَفْنَ فَلَا یُؤْذَیْنَ ۗ وَکَانَ اللَّهُ غَفُورًا رَّحِیمًا
O Prophet! Tell thy wives and daughters, and the believing women, that they should cast their outer garments over their persons (when abroad): that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ یَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَیَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا یُبْدِینَ زِینَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا ۖ وَلْیَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُیُوبِهِنَّ ۖ وَلَا یُبْدِینَ زِینَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا لِبُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَائِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَاءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَائِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَاءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِی إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِی أَخَوَاتِهِنَّ أَوْ نِسَائِهِنَّ أَوْ مَا مَلَکَتْ أَیْمَانُهُنَّ أَوِ التَّابِعِینَ غَیْرِ أُولِی الْإِرْبَةِ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ أَوِ الطِّفْلِ الَّذِینَ لَمْ یَظْهَرُوا عَلَىٰ عَوْرَاتِ النِّسَاءِ ۖ وَلَا یَضْرِبْنَ بِأَرْجُلِهِنَّ لِیُعْلَمَ مَا یُخْفِینَ مِن زِینَتِهِنَّ ۚ وَتُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ جَمِیعًا أَیُّهَ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ لَعَلَّکُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ
And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband´s fathers, their sons, their husbands´ sons, their brothers or their brothers´ sons, or their sisters´ sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss. If you feel that you are interested in an opposite gender:
- Try to get information about his or her personality and style with using your power of reason and wisdom and avoid the overcoming of emotions. Is she or her a suitable spouse for you? Otherwise, you are caught up in blind and unlucky love.
To avoid dependencies:
1. Do not show your feelings.
2. Do not talk to each other and do not interact with each other.
3. Control your look and feeling because emotions are also transmitted nonverbally.
4. Behave in a way that keeps your personality and respect so that he or she does not feel that you would like to have unhealthy relationship.
5. If you think that he is a suitable person for marriage, if you are a boy, try to become aware of her opinion about marriage directly or indirectly, and if you are a girl, ask a qualified person to ask his opinion for marriage. Perhaps she wants to marry another person or for any reasons, she does not want to marry you. This helps you get rid of confusion and your mind and psycho will not hurt.
If you are going to marry someone, propose marriage to her as soon as possible and, after the parties agree, make a permanent marriage contract and know that until a permanent marriage contract is not read, he may marry another person.
If you meet someone through a webchat and are planning to marry him or her:
1. Be careful because most of information provided may not be true.
2. Try to have a conversation based on courtesy and wisdom and not to be subjected to uncontrolled feelings.
3. Since online dating is unlikely to be unrealistic, and the information provided is not enough, lead this relationship to a formal meeting with his or her family to find out whether he or she is a person to make you happy.
Note that there may be problems in friendship with opposite sex on the Internet. Including:
1. Since your emails are registered in him or her, you will not face a scandal if you find it necessary to break this relationship.
2. In many cases, the two sides, or one of them, find a great deal to the other, but when he or she or he meets him or her by observing his or her appearance or behavior, he or she realizes that he or she is very different from his or her virtual personality and suffers from a mental shock.
3. Sometimes you do not see him or her as a suitable case for marriage after he or she becomes dependent on him or her and when he or she realizes the reality, but because of pity or fear of his curse or because of his threat to suicide or abuse, he or she accepts to marry an unsuitable person.
4. Parents usually consider familiarity via internet the reason of the credulity of girl and they do not agree with marriage resulting from this acquaintance.
5. Internet communication with the opposite sex sometimes leads to the loss of confidence of the future spouse.
If a person ,despite his or her promises, becomes faithful and refuses to marry you, manage your emotional failure and do not let your feelings weaken life expectancy in you and remember the remarks of God "And Jesus is the Tekhrawa of Shi'ah, and the good of the Lord, and the Messenger of Allah, and of the Lord, and of the Lord, that you may not love something; but it is good for you, and you may love something, but evil for you. ".
If you conclude that the person you are in love with is not qualified to be your spouse, discontinue your relationship with him or her as soon as possible. To disconnect your relationship with opposite gender, you must:
1. Know that the forgetting of the person you love needs time and give yourself a chance.
2. Always remind yourself that you might not have been happy with getting married him or her, and perhaps some of his or her negative and unknown moral qualities make the life bitter for you, perhaps defective child was born through this marriage.
3. Avoid looking at her or him, talking to her or him, exchanging text messages, e-mails, and anything that provokes your feelings about him or her.
4. Be sure to see him or her negative features. If your mind is busy with him or her, think of his or her negative feature and say to yourself '' He or she was not worthy of me''.
5. In your notebook, write down a list of topics that are necessary or pleasurable for you. When you think about him or her, go to your notebook and think about one of those topics.
6. When your mind thinks about him or her unconsciously, say
أعزذ بالله من الصطان الرجیم change your situation and get a new job.
7. Increase your friendship with your relatives and friends.
8. Keep in touch with devout, active and joyful people and strengthen your friendship.
9. Avoid loneliness because you are more tempted to think about him or her more.
10. Ask God to give you what is good for you.
11. Try to get married to a person that is suitable.
12. Write this narrative on a piece of paper and put it in front of your eyes:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said "Anyone who has no hope for what he has missed feels comfortable, and everyone that is happy with what God has given him will become cheerful ".


/J

 
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