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Prophet Muhammad Said: "My Lord, command me to do my duties, as he command me to tolerate with people." The book Al-Kafi, vol. II, p. 117.
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06/02/1397 08:00:00 ق.ظ

The permanent foundations of a life

The permanent foundations of a life

The permanent foundations of a life

Translator: Hadi Moein
Source: Rasekhoon.net
Extracted from: Rasekhoon

The factors of family consolidation

Being a religious person

Effective factors in family consolidation include religious beliefs and behaviors based on religious indicators. A lot of researches have proven the effect of religion on the health of family members and its consolidation.
A study done among university students indicate that the university students who rarely participated in religious ceremonies had the most pessimism. But university students that participated in religious ceremonies once or more were more optimistic about their future, had better relationships with their parents, had serious and real purposes about their future and considered the world as a friendlier place which can help them to become more successful.
The following points refer to the effect of the religion on the consolidation of family:
Religious faith can highly influence the quality of our life and the decrease of its sufferings. It can be said that the most important barrier in the achievement of wives to affection and marital affection is the crisis of meaning in the life. As a consequence, most of women and men have separated religious values have faced to the feeling of contrast between personal freedom, emotional security, independence and responsibility. This matter has led them to animosity between them. It seems that the problem of meaning crisis will be solved the definition of meaning and the determination of purposes in the life based on religious trains.
Islam considers prosperity in the hereafter as final purpose and moral values as superior values and tries to lead families toward these values. Persons that are grown up with these values never fail in gaining these worldly values such as material comfort, freedom, emotional and sexual satisfaction and independence. As a consequence, this affair can be considered as a precondition in the formation of affection and intimacy between husband and wife.
One of the most striking individual works of religiosity is the strengthening of tolerance. Religious people do not stop their attempt to provide reasonable material needs and to create a happy family life and do not despair when they are faced with problems such as poverty and family disputes, but they become hopeful to the promise of the God, and with the confidence of faith and remembrance of God, the bitterness of life turns into sweetness.
When members of the family are religious, they are all enthusiastic about the family life, and they must be in charge of divine orders about obligations and prohibitions in the life. Therefore, they are united in their rights, duties and limits, and they do not have disagreements. This harmony and agreement among family members will be a peace of mind and affection between them.
Devout persons regard God as the supervisor of their behavior whether they are among public or are alone and avoid doing whatever God dislikes. Since the religion emphasizes on good behavior with husband and children they try to please them so that they can achieve God's satisfaction.
In many cases, avoiding haram actions leads to family solidarity. In Islam, backbiting is forbidden; therefore, members of the family respect each other. Slander is also forbidden; therefore, family members are not subject to the loss of respect and hatred of each other. Gossiping is also forbidden; as a result, family disputes are not aggravated. It is haram that vulgar insults are attributed to demure women; thus, the emotional relationships of couples will not become hostile. Wine drinking is forbidden; therefore, wives and children are protected from some violence and mistreatment. Lying is forbidden; therefore, family members trust each other. The harassment of parents and their unhappiness are prohibited; as a result, mutual support between parents and children makes their relations warm and intimate. Watching movies and listening to sons provoking sexual desires are forbidden; as a result, sexual expectations do not increase unexpectedly, and couples enjoy their sexuality. Many other examples can be added that all indicate the effect of the observance of divine prohibitions on the solidification of members family relationships.
Religion emphasizes on ethical virtues such as honesty, loyalty, respect, affection, humility, patience and forgiving which are considered as the most influential factors in strengthening the relationships of family members. God says in the Holy Quran: "Those who believe and do good deeds, Allah the Most Compassionate loves in their hearts. People who are adorned with ethical virtues will be loved by others. Certainly, the most important factor in the strength of the family is the affection among its members.
Among other works of religiosity on the consolidation of the family, influence of religion on the individual's creativity in dealing with family life matters since creativity expresses ability to adapt to different situations, and religion represents unifying concept of transformation, and by strengthening the power of life, it encourages a person to effectively encounter hereditary and environmental constraints.
The most important point in this regard is that the purpose of religiousness is to have beliefs and behaviors consistent with the verses and narratives, not the way of religion which by the choice of part of religion and the liberation of another part in the name of religion because sometimes individuals fulfill certain religious obligations such as insisting on prayers or observing religious appearances, or taking part in collective ceremonies of prayers or insisting on a large number of allegations, but they avoid a part of the religion which includes affection toward wife and cruelty to the wife and child is considered as a sin. God recommend to women and men avoiding bad looking at other men and women. Such people are not true devout persons and should not expect the emergence and effects of religiosity on the strengthening of their family relations.
Sympathy
The word ''ensan'' (human) is taken from "anus" (friendship) because he needs others from the beginning of life. On the other hand, the widespread social relationships and the cross-sectional nature of many of these relationships and the large-scale entry of cyberspace in the daily lives of humans have exacerbated alienation among them. Hence, people feel the need to find a companion who understands them and be their affectionate friend, and the best companion in such conditions is sympathetic spouse.
Empathy means empowerment of understanding the wife and the right behavior with him or her although it is not necessary to confirm his or her views. In fact, empathy is a partner with a spouse for passing one the stage of the life successfully. In narratives, emphasis is on the need for the empathy of wives. The Holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his family) considers women's compassion for their husbands and kindness to them as a moral value for them. He also said: "The best men are those who are the supporters of their wives so that they do not resort to other men." Imam Sajjad (pbuh) also introduced spouse the cause of calm and empathy and considered spouse's right to be a good companion to him or her. Additionally, a good wife or husband is someone who is conscientious and sympathetic to his wife or her husband.
Empathy with spouse has a lot of positive effects for individuals and its divine rewards in Sunnah include: God's satisfaction, God's help in the world, entering paradise, preventing hasty judgments, gaining his wife's trust, his better understanding, psychological security and peace of mind. Two and make more intimacy with the spouse.
A husband or wife who has been sympathetic to his wife or her husband will also benefit greatly from the fact that his self-confidence increases and he or she is more capable of dealing with problems and his or her relationship with his wife or her husband improves.
Satisfying sexual needs
One of the important goals of marriage is the satisfaction of sexual needs. Therefore, couples should feel responsible for each other's sexual need and take the most enjoyable sex from their spouse.
Adequate sexual satisfaction makes the life enjoyable, contributes to the health of the body and plays a fundamental role in the normal development of human personality and tranquility. Lack of attention to the sexual needs of spouse affects the relationship between husband and wife and causes anger cold relationships disapproval of the family among them, gradually causes aggressive behavior and eventually depression. Another important work of satisfying the sexual needs is to help preserve faith against devil, because the pressure of sexual instinct is an important factor in committing various kinds of sins. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his family) told Abu Zar:
'' if a person has sexual intercourse with his wife, God gives him rewards and, and when you commit a haram, you will be punished when you do a halal act, you will be repaid because by doing halal action, you will remain safe''.
The sexual need of spouses is not exclusive to sexual intercourse, but it includes all visual, auditory, and behavioral interests. However, usually these benefits will result in combativeness and marital relationship. Husband and wife are obliged to respond to the diverse needs of each other. In the narrative texts, this matter is mentioned in narrative texts as Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) states:
''In the relationship between husband and wife, man needs three things: ... apparent dress in front of the eyes of the woman, to get his heart ... and the woman also needs three things: ... dressed up in front of the eyes Husband.
The remarkable point about the sexual need of spouses is that the sexual instinct of men and women is remarkably different. Men are more likely to be stimulated against sexually transmitted infections, are less resistant to sexual need and more vulnerable to sexual misconduct.
Because of gender differences, sexual consent is obligatory for women, and when a husband demands sexual intercourse, it is obligatory for a woman to meet the needs of her husband if she does not have a legal and rational apology for it.
The obedience of a woman from her husband makes her husband happy and makes her the beloved person of her husband. Therefore, women should be sensitive to the sexual demand of their spouse, and their needs in this regard should be responded with attractive looks, emotional words and desirable behavior and with a short delay in this, they do not provide the context of another woman's presence in the minds of their husbands. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him and his family) said: "the best women are those who takes off their clothes in privacy with their husbands."
Men and women, of course, must understand the sexual messages of their spouses even if they are not direct, and make their marital life appealing and enjoyable by responding favorably to these messages.
Another difference between couples is that men usually reach the peak of pleasure in their sexual relations with their wives soon while reaching this stage in women requires more time. As a result, many women do not enjoy sexual intercourse fully.
Little information of men and women as well as women's chastity sometimes cause that women's dissatisfaction continues for many years, and eventually it leads to lack of desire in sexual intercourse. Often, if men do not see their wives' sexual excitement, they will not be satisfied with this sexual intercourse.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH & HP) said: "A man who gains pleasure in sexual intercourse is a tyrant person if he does not have his wife reach sexual pleasure." Thus, each of couples must obtain and act on the information they need to understand about sexual satisfaction.
Some points about the sexual intercourse of a husband and wife:
After each sexual intercourse, husband and wife should do ablution. Sexual intercourse is forbidden during women's monthly bleeding, fasting, and the Ihram hajj journey. In fact, it is a sin and also obliges atonement. Sexual intercourse between couples during the period of women's bleeding will have negative physical and mental side effects.
The use of drugs of sexual desires increase without consulting doctor have a positive effect on the short term but in the long run, but they have a negative impact on sexual ability.
Some people have sexual and coronary disabilities for a variety of reasons and are unable to meet the desires of their spouse's sexual needs. This situation is damaging in the long term and each couple should be aware of this problem alertly, bravely and honestly, and tries to solve lit through consultation with specialist people such as psychiatrist, psychologist, endocrinologist, gynecologist, kidney and urologist. Lack of sexual desire is one of the most common disorders in the functioning of the gonads and often has a mental aspect.
Affection to family members
Although family is formed after two person get married legally, the essential nature of the family is relationship and spiritual connection. Hence, the fundamental factor of sustainability and satisfaction is emotion rather than other affairs. If there are positive and plausible emotions between the two souls and bodies, the stability and satisfaction of the relationship is guaranteed. People are satisfied with having a positive and desirable relationship with others, are both happy and willing to continue it and depending on the level of positive and desirable affection, the stability and satisfaction of the relationship will also be different.
Hence, the most important factor in the relationship between a girl and a boy is their mutual interest. God has also promised that after marriage, affection and kindness between them will be created. Typically, specifying expectations in relationships determines the duties and limits of the relationships of individuals. If the expectations of couples from each other are not determined, their relationships will become vulnerable and will not know exactly what duties they have to each other. In order to deepen this emotional relationship, family members should not hesitate to express affection to each other and satisfy each other from their subtle emotions. Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) says: "In relations between a women and her fellow husband, she should have three attributes that include: expressing love for her husband with a charm." The Prophet (peace be upon him and his followers) also reminds men: "A man telling his wife," I love you, "never goes out of the heart of a woman" so that they do not hesitate to repeat this word during a common life.
It is also very important to express love for children. Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) said "Without a doubt, God has mercy on him because of his great love for his child." The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) also said:
God records for him or her good actions for whosoever kisses his or her child, and God will make persons who make their children happy on the Day of Resurrection''.
The expression of affection of family members to each other leads to a lot of positive effects including:
1. The encouragement of all members to the home and the family and love and affection to each other.
2. The enjoyment of children from the family support and the joy and vitality of family.
3. Hope for business and livelihood activities.
4. Flourishing the talents and abilities of the members of the family rightfully and fully.
5. Enjoying life and communicating with others.
Determining and modifying expectations:
Typically, specifying expectations in relationships determines duties and limits of the relationships of individuals. In. If the expectations of couples from each other are not determined, their relationships will become vulnerable and will not know exactly what duties they have to each other.
Ambiguity, extremes and conflicts of expectation create a disadvantaged and disgusting atmosphere. Occasionally having excessive expectations of a spouse threatens the health of a family.
Consulting and reaching an agreement in family
Sometimes decision making is easy in accordance with rational and religious principles and rules, and sometimes, a family encounters behaviors and decisions that are difficult to comply with rational and religious standards. In these cases, a family can decide in a variety of ways like any other groups or institutions. According to the trains of Islam, it seems that the best way is to use the suggestions of others and to choose the most appropriate solution. The Quran introduces consultation in the affairs of the life as one of the attributes of believers. Gathering different views and choosing the best one usually leads to a better decision which is also supported by others.
Secrecy
Relationships between husband and wife are more intimate all human relationships. They are together day and night in the community, at home and even in bed, and they know each other's behavior and conditions. The desirable intimacy of spouses requires that they preserve the secrets of each other and family issues because God has introduced husband and wife the clothes of each other;
Garment covers our defects and adorn our body. As garment adheres to body, couples must not let others in their relationships, and must keep the secrets of each other. The disclosure of family secrets will lead to the degeneration of the family in the eyes of others.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the main prerequisite for the continuity and solidity of marital bond and family survival. Hence, spouses must pass ignore each other's mistakes and patiently endure each other's weak points.

/J

 
KeyWords :

family

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religion

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consolidation

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