In the name of Allah

Investigating the outcomes of white marriage
If, I got pregnant! If became, may be make him more loyal
Their house is a 25 meters apartment in a middle class of the city that they rented it, paying 5 million cash in advance and 500 per month and they have brought their home dowry from her husband's single room. Honestly, Mahmoud is not her husband but, they introduce each other in this way; Sohaila is 25 years old and it is 6 years that she has left her city to educate and still she is studding so, she, as other employed women has a share in home needs she, in fact becomes the breadwinner and does activities like writing pamphlets for entrance exam, writing proposals and like this. Mahmoud who, for example plays the role of her husband, without formal marriage or reciting of concubine intimacy has just graduated and platting generally, their life seem to be like a satisfied couple life and they, except their same age friends who has accepted them, don’t have any relation with any older one from their families .
"We went to begin life altogether; just this "!
When I ask: how could you start in this way? If leaving you? Says: do the couple don’t divorce?
- If he betrays you? Who knows to what extend he would be loyal?
- If you became pregnant? I don’t certainly, if became, maybe makes him more dependent. God is great
What about your dowry?
My sister married and lived for 8 year with her husband so, when, due to her husband's betrayal, wanted to separate she was forced to forgive all her dowry then, forgave her dowry and her alimony which, she had not taken for long time, ignored so that she can have her own 7 years old baby. Imagine that, like her, after 8 years of life, I become like her so, could marriage solve her problems?
- You do not believe in religious commitments and strangers and non-strangers?
If you think well, you will see that Mahmoud and I , swore the God to be with each other , help each other and never betray each other only, we didn’t determine money as which can be called concubine so, its commitments is that it is only Persian . When any of us no longer love another or gets tired of each other we can leave without any fight, complain or struggle.
- What about Mahmoud? If you kept your fidelity and he didn’t and l wanted to leave? So, you don’t think by doing this you will loss will stain your name and will fail in your love, too and ultimately how you can go back to your family?
When I ask this questions she pause to pounder, give up a sigh and says: "now, I am living in this moment so, it is better not to think about anything because ill go mad"
Years away from home:
When children leave home so that to be independent and educate for years, too much events and experiences are waiting for them so, one of these experiences maybe the phenomena of being other's roommate nevertheless, in this process boys and girls or single man and woman live together as roommate without any marital commitment between them . In the west world, in respect to understanding of lifestyle and beside it, increase of life and economical pressure, generally tendency to formal marriage has decreased and relations are usually made to satisfy sexual desires. In the west world a matured young's leaving of the home is considered something common but, in Iran there are usually familial associations and the problems of roommates start when one decides to go back after education or mission . So, in this cases often, families are not aware of their children when they are living as shared room with opposite sex and social pressure due to this lifestyle make them introduce to each other as couple transiently .
Ali Ahmadi, lawyer and family counselor, says regarding these kinds of marriages and its outcomes on Iranian girls "such relations are considered adultery and resulted born children lack legitimacy because the child's relation with father is not verifiable. In such cases, often, woman to avoid disgrace does not purse verifying the child's father and even if claims that she has been in concubine (transient marriage) by the man's avoidance, the woman's claim because not being registered would be in vain so, here remains the issue of fatherless and without family children that neither they heir parents nor parents heir them. Even thought the other rights of these children are like those of others but, usually, no one shoulder taking care of them unless, a complicated legal process is passed. In these cases, taking care of them is more likely to be given to the mother and mother, either mentally or in terms of right is left uninvestigated.
Skipping family and regulations:
Doctor Rouhangiz Latifi, a psychologist in this field, regarding this kind of relations which is mostly seen in big cities, tells Iranian girls, "these cases are seen among young immigrant girls who, due to some reasons, live separately from their families and female students are one group of the case who are attracted by this lifestyle. He adds family pressures and limiting rules from one side and single life period which is uncontrollable for young girls from other side make them no longer enjoy going back home and some of this group members when having a little freedom prefer not to return their own home. When this group gets in troubles or hunted by married men who are looking for new experiences, financially support them, or looking for love of the youth commitment which invites them to live under one ceiling but, without any commitment. This family counselor adds "such persons usually do not have chance of marriage in their fathers' home because they have small and limited environment which do not give them more options. Doctor Latifi emphasizes that most of the girls consider this life as primary experience for real life and a permanent relation and easily fancied by their own friends while men considers the women's presence and friendship as entertainment and sexual satisfaction and when better condition is provided separate each other so, he adds the man and woman's difference in this regard is that the woman treats emotional while man sexual, and finally man goes after his instinct but the woman harms.
Repetition of a bitter experience
This researcher and university professor tells Iranian girls " as experiences and interviews I had with my costumers, some harms threat these girls for example, emotional harm due to separation , repeating of bitter experiences by interring to similar relations for finding suitable wife and use to sexual variation , missing the chance of getting a formal marriage or uncertainty of unwanted children or wanted and this marriage which does not have father legally, in this relation the girl is loser.
Someiye is a girl from this relation, she is 40 years old , she says we were student and with many wishes then, I became friend with one of the students and due to the problems I had in dormitory and in fact shortage f money made me live with him. He had rented a one- room home by his father's money and when his parent came I must go to the dorm. Days and days we were thinking what to do after graduation but, it was these dreams! I found a job after education and disappointed the case of marriage but, when he found an occupational opportunity, after 7 years, went out for a pure girl. I can't stand hearing his sentence said "my family want me marry a pure girl ".
Someiye has been depressed and she barely works now so, she has tried to commit suicide up to now for times and she doesn’t know what her future will be like. Doctor latifi , a psychologist in analyzing the couple relationship, says in our society we care about women's hymen or virginity and woman are not allowed to enter different sexual relations so, this action either socially or mentally harm her. In such condition, the woman can not enter into a new life and keep her future marital life but, man either can have his wife legally and keep his children and family or, by the facilities he has, he can get pleasure of a girl without committing unavoidable problem therefore, men reform their relations but, poor women are real loser of these relations. This psychologist says "the man and woman's lack of satisfaction has already changed from sexual dissatisfaction to emotional one and sexual variation among young generation has increased. The complicated world which communications provided for Iranian young generations are like one who go to a big store by a limited credit card so, whatever she buys still she has more options he tells Iranian girls that " unfortunately the last generation's perfectionism in training of today's students has made them to have what they wanted but, thy have not been trained for sexual as well as economical abstinence. He considers lack of religious beliefs by young generations and conflicts between society and cultural systems as another normless reason between some of young generations that spreading digital medias intensify it so, I as counselor and psychologist warn the government that if they don’t think about the cost of the youth's marriage and this threat, by organizing their marriage and giving right t those young boys who think they found their favorite couple and away from family strictness and its conditions and can manage a common life, discolors traditional pattern of the family and its frameworks. He adds by conscious management the young's need and providing early marriage and lawful, man and woman can, by an adaptive marriage in the law framework register their marriage and legally become couple and their children by law supported by family and rule. Teaching of this family and improving it in primary years of life and teaching life skills to these young generations can provide new style of fast familial life and lawful and away from complicated cases such as determining heavy dowries, heavy trousseau and current rivalries.
To say okay once, to regret whole the life
The cost of water, electricity, telephone bill, food, child, wearing, accommodation and woman's show off such as nose plastic surgery and multitudes of thousand of other nonsense activities that is known as marriage ceremonies and we must shoulder them in fact, it is like a disgusting circle that if you look back and have been repented you will become immersed in by these heavy dowries. These are statements by Hamid, someone who lives in his 35 and living the girl who love it and the girl committed him to marry her once but, Hamid says this is her problem, to be highly optimist is an illness that I can not cure it and from the beginning I have declared my criterion to Sima. Sima is also, 35 years old and after her father's death and by the time she received her heritage, she left home. Hamid says I have a job but I don’t have enough income and I can disclose that id not feel well when I have to satisfy all the needs of a woman only for sexual satisfaction and at last , what can I do if was not compatible with her and then , I pray the lawyer to end struggle. I want to avoid all of these in addition, who can think that a man in this society must pay such cost for satisfying sexual desire so, without such problems one can live, too . we have promised to take care of each other and satisfy our needs as far as we could and when we were tired of each other there will be no fight and every one can take his own way and also, we can agree upon the apparatus and life costs at the time of separation but, up to know it has not been a worst experience. Especially I have legally declared that I am not committed that, not to look at someone or regularly come home each night and no one is not supposed to blame another for these cases.
They don’t know the family
Sohaila Maroofi, a psychologist, says in analyzing the comments of this young: such persons do not have a true understanding of family and its effectiveness and lately mature necessary responsibility and marital commitments and in fact they escape it because they have not experienced a true pattern regarding marriage and family. He says the researches have shown that women, in such relations, more than others suffer home violence and such relations sooner than formal marriages destroys however; Most of this type of people have ran strict families and some other are dependent to families who, by tendency to western life, have lived for years and they don’t respect religious and social values and as result, do not commit themselves to define their relation in specified framework of law and religion. He adds the main goal of family is achieving religious and psychic perfection of the family in fact a perfection which put human in the position of man as spiritual supporter and woman as mental and emotional resort and generally defines couple as father and mother. The last position, sends man a step further and give him the highest rank so, this psychologist believes that those who choose such style of life which lacks association in fact, don’t believe in family benefits because, because have not experienced among their relatives . This family counselor also, points to cases in which women had referred who had involved in emotional relation with children of other social class. Such emotional relation can trap the life of young generations and if confidant families rely on them he can not bear in this relation and the girl returns with heavy mental and emotional harm.
Law and home fellow
Those who share a room without supporting of law and rule are, undoubtedly suffering problems and limitations which inevitably put themselves in the most unsafe marital statues but, some of women who undergo such relations, imagine that if their partners have not been loyal to them, they can request their share of life but, reality is something else. Falak Din , a MA graduate in law says regarding family rules regarding religious law : in family rules , man and woman can intimate by reciting a transient espouse but, even a relation that have obeyed its religious rules, is not considered lawful unless is legally registered. In the article 21 of the family support act regarding focus on permanent contracts in the legal system of the Islamic Republic of Iran and concentrating on family relation, has mentioned and supported but, However, has mentioned temporary marriage as a function of the Sharia principals and civil law provisions and recorded it in three cases, pregnancy of wife, mutual agreement and stipulation is being mandated. This requirements go back to husband and even outside of mentioned cases, even with the implementation of temporary marriage , its registration will be necessary so, its rules will necessitated when the above mentioned cases relate to it. This legal expert says that the man and woman who want to live together under one roof if they want to recite the concubine verse and do not know it in Arabic, then they can read it in their own language so, the Intention of being together and having the satisfaction of that relationship can be incorporated in this temporary concubine, but what is very essential is determining the dowry and the time of relationship that should be clarified from the outset. If the term is not mentioned in the marital contract and being cleared that the goal of marriage aimed to separation, the marriage will be invalid but if their option is not to clear, apparently the marriage will be permanent. In the separation mentioning dowry goes back to the marriage truthfulness and lack of mentioning it or giving dowry on the contrary to the permanent marriage causes devalue of marriage. He adds that in this type of marriage alimony is not husband's responsibility unless they have conditioned and in the temporary marriage unlike permanent marriage , the couple do not heir each other however; different comments proposed by great scholars but, most powerful one is getting heritage even if being conditioned. In the separated marriage the couple do not heir each other and children born of transient marriage have a defined and true right as those of permanent marriage that’s why , they are known as legal children of father and father is responsible to provide alimony and caring them and they heir the father. But the case is that, regarding lack of formal registration of transient life in most cases, reciting its concubine by couple or anonymous espouser and office will be too difficult and impossible so, at the time being we are seeing many of these children lack identity card. Flack Din says, in the marriages that man and woman , without any legal agreement start their relations this type of relations are neither legal ,conventional nor lawful and mainly we can not call it marriage since the law does not support either marriage or resulted children. In such conditions there is no relation of parentage between man and woman and there is no child as result of this relation and naturally the child will have an identity without the mother and father's name and takes his or her parentage of mother's family. He adds, although in concubine or permanent marriage for girls up to their 13 year of age and for son up to puberty the father's agreement is needed but, if a couple, without such form, apply for marriage they must pronounce their request in the law court but, if they don’t consider any of the cases or in front of witness or espouser marry each other, although they committed mistake, their marriage will not be invalid and the born children will be legal. This expert of law says regarding these single mothers who separate while caring a fatherless baby, if they have been single the must be sentenced by 100 whiplash and he declares that while couple are away from marriage obstacles the legal effects of marriage only since of marriage registration is determined on them and their children. He recommends that those young boys and girls who do not have marriage problem even if for transient marriage go under one roof, in order to be placed under the law support, they must certainly, before starting their marriage, register their marriage either adaptive or written both of them must sign this registered agreements about transient marriage in order to have document for avoiding the likely unwanted results. Forgetting exiting strategies and talking with consultative institutes can prevent many regrets so, it is useful, by thinking about all of the above cases and many problems that, here, we didn’t have enough time to propose them we say when we want to go, by someone, under one roof think about a time that a law once we have escaped It , no longer spreads it umbrella on us so, surely there are other ways , too.