How will he be systematic?
Author: Tanaaz Zareei Toosi
Source: Qods paper
What is a discipline?
An order and discipline, teach children how to have a control on their behavior and with the establishment of a limitation, rectify their wrong behavior. Besides, with encouragement and guidance they are assisted to have a better feeling about themselves and think more for themselves.
* Whether corporal punishment is a suitable method to establish order and discipline?
Not at all, discipline should teach the children how to control their behavior. The corporal punishment directly controls the behavior of a child and does not exhibit any solution in relation to their behavior control.
* Whether punishment is simpler than training?
Although at times it seems that punishment is simpler than training and children that are punished cry louder than the others, but experience has shown that as the child grows bigger he or she will learn to solve his or her issues via beating of others. Most of the parents are also conscious that though corporal punishment rectifies an issue for a short duration, but after some time an inappropriate behavior arises from the child.
* Whether corporal punishment teaches a child that who is the boss?
It is true that children should understand who dictates in the family, but corporal punishment only teaches children to be afraid of their parents. The suitable training should teach a child to respect and appreciate his or her parents.
*Whether corporal punishment does not cause children get frightened to carry out unsuitable behavior?
It’s possible. But only when you look at them, they due to fear of punishment do not conduct any wrong behavior. The children must learn that even in absence of parents have correct and suitable behaviors themselves.
* Whether suitable corporal punishment could at times be useful for children?
A child does not require a corporal punishment. This task could even be dangerous. You may during the punishment lose your control and injure a child. The children in order to learn suitable behavior did not need to be beaten.
* If I cannot punish my child, then what I have to do?
There exist different routes and methods to teach a child the control behavior wherein with their assistance you can teach your child to have a better feeling about him or herself. You as a father or mother can with guidance determine the extent and limitations of each thing, besides control and reformation of wrong behavior and assist them via talking about these matters to a child besides teaching him or her on how to think about him or herself.
* How can I teach my child to have a good feeling about him or herself?
When a child performs a good task, make him or her aware of it. Similarly, caution him or her about the wrong behaviors. Hearing good things avails us a good feeling and causes that we repeat the same behavior again and again. We should be mindful that when we praise the task conducted by a child express the truth and do not exaggerate and effectually when our child rectifies his or her wrong behavior we should praise him or her, even if he or she exhibits a little progress in this regard. For an example: ``it is excellent, the entire sports period you played with children with nil fight and unpleasantness!’’
* What things I need for the guidance?
An order establishment is very important and useful in the case of usual tasks conducted daily i.e. the time to sleep, eat food and carry out the homework. With the establishment of an order in case of daily tasks, the children acquire the feeling of security and peace. Because they in each case exactly know what parents expect from them. For the younger children, it is difficult to go from one activity to the trail of other activity. Provision of knowledge to them few minutes prior to conduction of each task, helps them to get prepared, you can say ``the next 5 minutes you have to sleep’. Meantime, you should speak clearly: ``you can select milk or fruit juice, but not cold drinks!’’ only saying no to children is not sufficient, most of the children require a reminder.
* How I can determine the limitation?
Few suggestions exist to determine the limitation.
1- Initially you have to start with few rules. As the number of rules is higher, their remembrance is more difficult for the children.
2- Be sure of your saying no. As a father or mother your duty is to keep the surrounding environment of your children safe and secure, you should make him or her learn how to adjust to the other people and you should insist on your beliefs, for a child explains your reason for saying no and make sure that he or she understands your explanations.
3- Provide your children an opportunity as well, even a child should be given an opportunity to determine the limit and approximation of each thing so that he or she tells you what he or she has thought about each limitation and their feelings. Even five to six year old child can too assist you to determine a series of justly rules and in this case he or she will be more dependent to enforce these rules. Listening to their views is important, but this hearing does not signify that you agree with them. While in case of some of the rules you should be the sole decision-maker.
4- Clearly state your goals. You should act clear and transparent, for an example in case of time significance that the child must be at home say: ``twelve o’clock sharp’’ and not ``you shouldn’t be very late’’.
* If I determine a limitation for my child, whether he or she will still love me? He or she will not think that I am very strict?
Determination of limitation is not at all accounted as strictness. Indeed, if you behave justly and rightful and stress on the enforcement of the rules. Of course, it could be possible that children will not like to execute them or even you may feel that you have made them unhappy. Don’t get disturbed. This feeling only worsens the tasks, accept their feelings, but even be committed to the enforcement of rules, for an example: ``I know when you are relishing so much you don’t like to leave this place, but now it's leaving time’’. The justly rules demonstrate that you are giving importance to the child. If you alone determine unjust rules or are over strict, children will run away from you and if you do not determine any limit, the children will so much indulge that finally another person will determine a limit for them and that person could either be the school principal or even a policeman!
* When my child refuses to execute the rules, what reaction I have to exhibit?
Be calm. Behave rightful even children can help you on which task is justly and which one is unjust and with conduction of a suitable reaction you assist them not to conduct this task again, for an example, if they have made a painting on the wall instead of fighting with them help them clean the wall.
With conduction of the following few stages you can assist yourself as well as your child and prevent the repetition of an error.
1- Ask the child to express his or her issue: ``I want to go on the road and my mummy does not allow me to carry my bicycle’’.
2- Ask the child to express whatever solutions come to his or her mind. In this stage, the number of proposed methods is more important than the usefulness of the solutions: ``Can I go walking, can I go by bus, and can I go halfway with bicycle and remaining via walking?’’.
3- Together discuss on the proposed method and ask the child to choose one of the solutions and be attentive that you as well should agree with that solution. ``Can I board the bus?’’.
4- Make the solution functional.
5- Investigate the result of the task and if it is executable, then you have succeeded, otherwise you have to repeat the aforesaid pentathlon stages.
With this method you have given two important messages to your child. Firstly, there is no issue that cannot be eased and secondly, each person is responsible for his or her behavior.
* When we are angry and possibly could lose our temper and either shout at children or beat them, then what we should do?
Find a solution so that you gain your peace again. With this task you not only will not conduct any action, but also not say anything that you will later regret. If the children are highly grown up then leave them alone for a while and let another senior person take care of them until you have gained calmness, or go to another locale and tell your children what you plan to do. Walk for a while, go to the other room and or lock yourself in the bathroom and make sure that this farness is not over five to ten minutes. When you return peacefully talk about your feeling. The other calmness methods are listening to the music, deep breathing, counting of numbers from ten to one and or conduction of other tasks such as baking a cake, washing, writing and or even chew gum. Remember that your deeds show the child how to behave and not your words. If you say something unsuitable then beg pardon from your child. Begging pardon teaches them to have similar behavior in front of others.
* If during discipline training and learning children get angry, then what we should do?
Their anger is not the reason that you feel you are a bad mother. Children generally get angry in such cases; this doesn’t matter until you behave justly. Allow them to get angry, but maintain your calmness. Children have to throw out their anger, allow them to draw a figure, make something with clay or play with the paste, listen to the music and or even go to a room and solely shout there and the most important of all when they have readiness, assist them to talk about their feelings. For children the permission to talk is like removal of an inserted chip from your hand prior to an infection. Teach them how without attack and or cause of an injury to others talk about their feelings. Remember that discipline should teach children that how they can be a happy, healthy and logic individual in the society. Grooming of children is a difficult task, but as soon as the children learn how to have a control on their behavior, this training turns simpler. The initial efforts of yours in this route are invaluable, since it grooms children into a responsible individual and you can be proud of yourself that in this route you have lovingly and responsibly guided and guarded your child.