Improve self-confidence by four steps

Maybe the first understandings you take from a situation, is not just by looking at that certain situation, then more think about truth of your thoughts. Ask yourself: ” is my view compatible with reality and logic?” Maybe you also had experienced a situation that lack of self-confidence and inferiority complex has annoyed you. Self esteem and feeling good about oneself are dreams of some people in their life.
If you feel that your self confidence is low and it impacts all aspects of your life, if you think lack of self esteem impacts your relations, job or even health, even if the origin of inferiority complex is in your childhood and has remained with you till now, improve your self esteem and feel well gradually by taking four effective steps.

First step: identify problematic situations and conditions

Think about situations reduce your self confidence. Such as:
1. A presentation at work
2. A crisis at home or at work
3. A Challenge with some one who has close relation with you like wife/husband or colleague
4. A change in life stream such as loosing job or child away from home

Second step: know your believes and thoughts about those situations

After identifying problematic situations and conditions, make sure your thinking about them. What you would tell yourself in such situations? What is your explanation for such situations? Your thoughts may are positive, negative or neutral. You may react logically or may think based on some realities, causes and false beliefs.

Third step: challenge your false and negative thoughts

Maybe the first understandings you take from a situation is not just by looking at the certain situation, then more think about truth of your thoughts. Ask yourself; “ is my view compatible with reality and logic?” Of course sometimes it is difficult to recognize carelessness in thinking. Most of the people have an old and stable thinking about themselves and their life. They believe that their old thinking is normal and completely consistent with reality. However, most of them are just an idea or a feeling. Among them some important thought patterns in mind may lead to weak self esteem, include;

1- Think about all or any

In this way, you see all things absolutely good or absolutely bad. For example you tell yourself; “if I could not be successful, I will loose completely”. Habit of such thinking is not correct. It is better to consider all aspects of a win or a loose.

2. Glass half empty

By such thinking pattern you just focus on negative aspects of a situation that it is why you miss the correct view to a person or a situation. For example; you tell yourself; “as I made mistake for report representation, now all think that I am not good for this job”. Pessimism is the greatest fall of self esteem.

3. Turning positive achievements to negative

You ignore your positive and useful experiences and achievements by minimizing them. For example tell yourself:” just because the exam was easy, I became successful.” In this way you kill self confidence in yourself.

4. Negative conclusion without enough reason

Sometimes you make conclusion in certain conditions without any good and sufficient reasons. For example you tell yourself:” my friend has not replied my email yet, so she is still upset”. Actually maybe she did not check her email. It is better to be patient instead of resorting to negative thoughts.

5. confusing feelings with realities

In this way you confuse your feelings or beliefs with realities. For example you tell yourself: “I feel like I’ve failed, so sure it is true.”

6. Self underestimate

In this way you let you down and underestimate your values. It is sometimes because of several mistakes in a certain situation. For example you tell yourself: “I don’t deserve more”. It is better to revise more.

Fourth step: moderate your thoughts and beliefs

Now you should replace negative and wrong thoughts by accurate and constructive thoughts. You can apply following strategies:

1. Use promising statements

Be kind to yourself and always encourage yourself. Remember that if you don’t prevent pessimism about a certain situation, it may come true. For example, if you always think you will be failed in representation, it will occur. Try to use hopeful statements such as: “despite the difficult situation, but I will do it”.

2. Forgive yourself

Always remember that all people may mistake in life. Mistakes are not usual and not specific to any particular person. If you made a big mistake, tell yourself:” I made a mistake but I’m not bad”.

3. Prevent using words like “should and should not”

If your mind is full of should and should not, it may lead to illogical expectation from yourself and others. Making the mind free of such words, help you to have logical and real expectations from yourself and others.

4. Focus on positive aspects of your life

Remember your abilities for solving challenges in situations and always think about successes and perfect parts of your life.

5. Treat distressing thoughts another way

Instead of negative behavior for negative thoughts, use them to achieve new and healthy patterns in your life. Ask yourself: “how should I do for getting better situations?”

6. encourage yourself

For every positive point in a certain situation encourage yourself. For example tell yourself: “however my presentation was not perfect but audience followed discussion by asking questions to the end of the session, it shows that I did successfully and achieved my goal”.
The steps seem difficult primarily, but by practice will be easier gradually. As you start to identify thoughts and beliefs which destroy your self -confidence, you can recognize them and start to kill them. Then you can find your values as a human. When you improve self esteem, your self -confidence will increase and you feel better about life and yourself.