The role of mutual respect in the growth and the family applicability

One of the moral principles and the factors of family growth is respect for each other. Keeping the sanctity is of human values. Whenever a person respects others, he or she has respected his or her own because, by this behavior has taught others behave him or her in this way. In Islamic traditions many recommendations about the need for mutual respect for the couple has been expressed. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) describing the best men as below.
The best amongst you are those who are Good-tempered and respect their wives. Keeping Respect in speech and behavior has been mutual case and husbands should follow it in treating their wives. Imam Sadeq (PBUH) said, happy woman is one who respects her husband and does not trouble him and at all times is obedient.
Respecting has indices and components:
A) Not humiliating:
One of the ugly practices common among some Muslims is humiliating others. If this attribute emerges in the family, its negative effect on children will be inevitable. Typically, parents are the first people weakening confidence of their children. It is true that parents play influential roles in children's personality. Every time the child or young person step in home has put his or her confidence to test. Being humiliated or disparaged in the home or community occurs in various forms.
I) verbal abuse
Some of humiliations done by the couple, parents, friends and strangers to the person happen through verbal abuses. For example, if you are permanently called in the home: fool, dunce, foolish, amorphous and lazy, truly how do you feel? Do not lose your confidence?
In some cases it happens that children and young people believe the words of others slowly. So, their behavior has changed and acts like fools and evils. Interestingly, the parents do not tolerate the behavior of their children while their behavior accurately reflects the behavior of their parents.
Religious leaders (AS) by stating the evils of talking abuse have tried to make men avoid obscene and vulgar remarks. However, the harmful and abusive consequences of having bad remarks are different that we can point to an example of them. Imam Reza (PBUH) said: one of the worst of God servants is one who due to his bad tongue and insult talking and sitting with him is unfavorable.
Imam Ali (PBUH) said: speak with other eloquently and well to hear charming and good responses.
Muslim scholars (PBUH) have recommended keeping respect in speech because keeping speech politeness in addition to maintains stability and growth in the family also hinders Hereafter punishments. It has been narrated when Saad, of the Prophet companions (PBHU) died; the prophet took part in his funeral. His mother said: Blessed be with you and congratulate you with this dignity. The Prophet (PBUH) reported of grave pressure on Saad. When they asked the prophet the reason for this punishment. Mohammad Mustafa (PBUH) said: it is because Saad treated his wives violently and harsh however, we should maintain politeness and refrain from having bad tongue. In a hadith, the Prophet (PBUH) has said: The woman who says to her husband: shame on you is cursed by God and the angels. In another narration, the Prophet (PBUH) said: A woman who treats her husband violently [does not maintain courtesy in speech] she will be hung on his tongue and she will be nailed by the hand palms. Considering this issue that why having bad language is bad? Or what is the philosophy of its villainess? However, it can be interesting and useful. Someone may say bad consequences are documented to abusive effects. Perhaps it can be said that the reason for the reason for having bad language is that through this way the others are being humiliated and we know that the humiliation of others means the humiliation and contempt means humiliation and contempt of other God Creators.
Man is not permitted to belittle God's creature. Of course, to the main reason, "forbidding evil" and you can criticize the ignorant and ugly behavior of others. However, how good the religion view seems that even at war time also the man has no right to revile the enemy. A group of Muslims in the battle insulted to the people of Sham (fighting opponents). Imam Ali (PBUH) said: i do not like you to be insulter, but if you consider their actions and positions [override] will be more effective and to express any excuse or argument, it will be more compelling. There is another bless abusive in area of having bad language. Having bad language means bad use of the words and expressions. On the other hand, the power of God's word tells us that the words are created by God. So, having been abusive is because of the words that created by God and is wrong. In other words, having a bad tongue has two basic philosophies: one is verbal abuse insult "to" insult others and other verbal abuse by word and we recognize that others and also the words are created by God.
b) Bullying
The quickest way to hit the self-esteem of individual is bullying. Since the person bullying all their forces against someone, the victim is suffering from feelings of bitterness and bad states; such that believes the mistakes that never has done and fosters the hatred in him or herself. The victim because of bulling bombing slowly blames himself and naturally thinks the entitlements of such behavior in him or herself. After bulling others, create a false belief in people and in this way create a fatal blow to their self-esteem. There is an interesting example of Quran; we know that the religion in God's sight is very dear and beloved. All followers (PBU) the scriptures have been collected to supply religion to the man and have attempted a lot. But, God who is the owner of religion does not resort to force by the man in religion or being religious does not coerce anyone and does not give such a right to anyone to force for it.
Imam Ali (PBUH) in a heavy statement concerning the worships have said that even in such cases, for yourselves and others, not to use force. “To worship, restrain your breath, be gentle and do not force it and at the spare time try worship.
c) Lack of attention
Inattention or being inattentive is being formed differently. Sometimes, being inattentive is physical, Such as, in the home or caring for the children not to feed him. Another type appears in the form of verbal indifference as if to say the parents tell their children do not like or feed him or her. In the third step, the indifference in looking becomes evident such as husband less care about at each other or parents less care about their children watch or at least move their look toward TV or somewhere else. In this case, spouses or parents should wait for the various feedbacks from their spouse or children. Whatever is certain is that parents with neglect and inattention has destroyed the self-esteem of their children and weighed down to the point where it is difficult to harness. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) had a special sensitivity towards the upbringing of children. That prophet sometimes played with the children, confronted them with courtesy and respect and sometimes embraced them and generally benefited them of their attention:
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was sitting, Hassan and Hussein (PBU) arrived, prophet stood up respecting them and stood up waiting, the kids were poor in walking, moments passed and they did not arrive. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) went to the children and embraced them, opened their arms and ridded both on his shoulders, went out and said: 'Dear children, your carrier are a good one and what nice drivers you are. The prophet’s respect did not dedicated to the Prophet (PBUH) and it was his method regarding the children. When the Prophet (PBUH) returned from a trip and came across with children , stood respecting them, then said: bring the children and then, the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) embraced them and ridded some on the back of his shoulders and said to his companions. “Embrace the children and ride them on your shoulders”.
In Islamic tradition many ways to show respect and mutual importance for the couple has been stated: such as buying gifts for women and children. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: The man who entered the market and purchased a gift for wife and children and then carries it home and brings it home is rewarded like a person who has paid in the way of God.
Saying hello to the wife when entering the home, Imam Reza (PBUH) said: say hello to your wives upon home arrival and children. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: man’s sitting besides his wife and family is better than sitting in the mosque for worship.
Making up for the husband; Prophet Muhammad said (PBUH) said: it is required for the women need to make her own with fragrant perfumes and wears the best clothes and make up her in the best way. Moreover, welcoming and seeing the husband off and dressing the wife is another way to show respect that is expressed in Islamic teachings.
Fourth) advice before the others;
If a family member committed mistake, it is possible to stop him using a good way. Alarming about undesirable consequences and bad behaviors, can be a good way to help the wrong doer. Therefore, advising meaning to explain bad behavior and also paying attention to undue effects can be beneficial. Advice is of two types: overt and covert. Advice and warnings if done in secret, it should be gentle and not with destruction as well as blaming and can fell effective, but if the advice is carried out in public, the personality of wrong doer becomes weak and may be cause a harsh standing and surely the achievement is not being gained. Imam Ali (PBUH) said: preach in public is slamming character.
Not ridiculing and denunciation
Among the cases that causes shame and disdain of others is ridicule and denunciation of others. Many self-esteems and disorders arising as a result of ridicule. Ridicule, denunciation and humiliation is insulting of others and is out of range. God has advised brotherhood, friendship and intimacy between people of faith and asked them to develop mercy and friendship among themselves.
A verse from Surah of Hojarat, the question of ridicule and denunciation has been raised and is strictly prohibited. God wants of the followers of the Prophets (peace be upon them) that do not make fun of each other, give up denunciation of others, do not call on each other by ugly names and if some ones has recorded in his or her life such a bad history he or she is entitled along with penance to reform the right of others.
(Verse) Oh you who believe, a tribe shall not deride another one, perhaps they are better than them, and no women shall make fun of other women who may be better than they are, and how unsatisfactory is the ugly name after the belief; everyone who did not do penance, they are oppressor. However, regarding the ridicule and mockery of others we encounter several principles shocking stories in the holy Quran that we will discuss them in the next paper.