Family as the most important organ of the community

The main purpose of this writing is to recognize the damages of family foundation, the ways of its confirmation and the analysis of individual and social effects of a desirable
Saturday, July 25, 2015
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Family as the most important organ of the community
Family as the most important organ of the community


Translator: Z. Kalaa



The main purpose of this writing is to recognize the damages of family foundation, the ways of its confirmation and the analysis of individual and social effects of a desirable family. The main presumption of this writing is that in spite of the fact that a lot of changes have happened in the role and structure of family foundation over recent decades, family is still the most important social core.
Family as the most important social core has been focused by intellectuals and scientist since last years and its importance is emphasized. The ancients of philosophy consider family life as an independent part of practical wisdom and Plato in '' republic'', Aristo in '' policy'' and Buali in '' healing'' have looked at family life with such a point of view. Plato says '' if we want to organize republic well, the main rules of republic should be rules that organize marital matter well. Rasu, Walter and Mantsku have confirmed their ideas and beliefs about the natural and social rights of human. Some scientists prefer family to society and have expressed '' there is boring order in the society, but the atmosphere of family is common feeling, comfort and human environment''.
Scientists in different sciences, social sciences, social psychology, population recognition, rights and history, and even security political guardians have paid attention to the matter of family from different point of views. There are two foundational and systematic approaches about the importance of family.
Systematic approach mentions the studies of family as mutual struggles among family members. In this point of view, '' family is a collection of connected components that creates mutual relationship with its environment. In return, family tries to preserve its balance against such pressures. Kourt Louin, the intellectual of social sciences, says '' as longs as there are good families, we should be hopeful to human''. Alen Zhiral believes '' among customs and basic and critical matters of human, marriage has a special importance and no foundation is not influenced under social changes as much as family''.
More importantly, the messenger of God (peace of Allah be upon him and his descendants) states '' no foundations is not more important and beloved than family for God. Hence, it can be understood that this nuclear and foundation of the society that country and nation form from is as important as the prophet considers the most beloved foundation for God. Hence, the most common definition of family is '' a family is a social and environmental foundation that includes several mature persons whose two persons from different genders have got married without having blood relationship and children are born from the marriage of mature persons''.
According to Vil Davarant, the philosopher and writer of the well –known book '' the history of the civilization'' '' suppose that we are in 2000 A.D., the greatest event will not be war or the revolution of Russia, but the change of the situation of woman. The history has not seen such a shaking change within short time. The holy house was the foundation of social order. According to Motahari, the western intellectuals are extremely worried about the violation of social order, the ignorance of youths toward the responsibility of marriage, hate of being mother, the weakening of marriage foundation, the reduction of love of father and mother, especially mother, toward children, the corruption of women in the current world, lust instead of real love, the increase of the number of divorce, the increase of the number of divorce and lack of unity and intimacy among couples. In spite of the fact that family is highly important, unfortunately, it has been ignored and it is necessary that the matter of family, its important damages, the consolidation of family and the individual and social effects of a desirable family should be mentioned and in this area, discussion and scientific attempt should be done more deeply.

1. The definition of family

Although the definition of family is accompanied with some changes during time, family and whatever is considered as marital promise is'' the legal relationship of two persons from different gender based on permanent relationships, religious holy and emotional deep relationship that is accompanied with a kind of social contract and cultural important effects''. Therefore, the main meaning of family is accompanied with a kind of social contract, the contact of rights, emotions and society''. Karlsson says '' marriage is a process with the mutual struggle of two persons with legal conditions during ceremony. Generally, their action is accepted by law''. In past, family was more extended and there were two -generation or three –generation families. In other words, couples were as the nuclear of family and children, the parents of couples and even the family of their children along with main family lived in a house with each other. However, at the present time, families are small as much as possible and as soon as children get married, they separate from their father and mother in the aspects of place, job and social position. The volume of change and the duration of change have a special importance in this way. Guld believes that changes are structural and changes are related to actions. He considers the result of social development as conspicuous difference that is found in moods, social structure, foundations and habits.
At the present time, struggle over the definition of family is mostly focused on '' structure'' and '' action''. In other words, the question is whether we should pay attention to structure, the existence of father, mother, single parents, children of bloody relations and marriage. Yonsku distinguishes between the unit of family and family members in 1992 and defines five kinds of distinct family such as nuclear family is a family that includes father and mother and children or single father and mother and their children, stem family is a family that includes father, mother and a child that has got marred along with his or her spouse and children, lineal family, extended family and compound family is two families after divorce.
There are different definitions about family in western societies that are in contrast with the traditional meaning of family. Even two persons that live in a house with each other are considered as a family even though they are not husband and wife. In some countries, they are considered a family with the promotion of the matter homosexuality. In spite of different definitions about the meaning and definition of family, whatever is important is that the construction of social morality, problems, social behaviors and even values come from the foundation of family and family training. Cardiner believes '' If children are trained with playing, soft behavior and kindness, persons will have soft and easy-going personalities in the society. However, if children are trained strictly, they will have harsh personalities in the society''. Arish Form also says '' the grimness of father makes a child weak and makes him or her surrender against strong persons and he or she will look for power and domination against weak persons''. Therefore, we should recognize the science of killing weak persons in persons from their family and the way that parents behave them''.

2. The motivation of the formation of family

There are different theories about the main motivation of the formation of family. Some believe that the basis of the formation of family comes from the matter of service. For example, Khaje Nasr Al-Din Tusi emphasizes on the principle '' employment'' so that human can become social persons in the book '' Naseri morality'', refers to the kinds of collaboration and cooperation of human and says '' elements, plants and animals can help human from different aspects, but human does not help them; '' human needs elements and plants so that they can be useful for human and persons need the help of each other through servicing …''. Although Khaje pays attention to conceptions and elements such as the need of food and sexual need as material affairs, but it has paid attention to spiritual and cultural elements, namely, affection, for the permanence of the society. Moreover, he refers to natural affection such as the affection of mother toward child and voluntary affection about the ground of affection.
All of intellectuals have tended to utopia and have emphasized on family and its critical importance for the society. It means that the foundation of family is to bear children, to foster children and to make them sociable so that the persons of the society can do more different and complex responsibilities and duties in the society. Family has an important role in the formation of point of views, values and the beliefs of a child and influences on the kind of the relations of persons with other factors and foundations.
Some psychologists such as Froid have tried to limit all desires of women and men toward different gender in sexual desires. Some other psychologists have called affection among couples '' love'' and '' a kind of feeling''. Dr. Hodfield as a psychologist expresses the interpretation of Froid from the word '' love'' in this way '' Froid belives that the complete meaning and conception of the word '' love'' is sexual desire. In fact, he ignores the word '' love'' and uses the word '' sexual desire'' instead of it, does not consider any differences between the lust of a woman and a man and says '' a man is provoked through sexual desire and a woman is provoked through love''. Then he expresses his idea about this case '' love is not a sexual desire along with anger or fear, but it is a feeling and a collection of feelings and excitement toward a thing or a person within a person such as patriotism as it can be understood from its name, it is a feeling whose excitements are about our country. Therefore, love is a feeling that includes a lot of excitements such as selflessness, respect, defending his or her lover and softness, kindness, especially the love of mother toward his or her child, the acceptance of requests and the admiration of lover that are all related to each other''.
Allame Motahari also says '' it is strange that some persons cannot make difference between lust and affection. They imagine that a thing that relates couples to each other is only lust whereas it is the sense of employment and use. In other words, it is the same thing that relates human to foods, drinks and belongings. They do not know that there are other interests in creation and nature apart from selfishness and benefit gaining. Such interests do not come from selfishness, but they come from direct interest toward others''.
Some experts consider the basis of the formation of family ''need'', others consider it '' respect to social contracts'' and still others consider it '' fertility''. But what Quran emphasizes is '' the theory of comfort''. Quran emphasizes on comfort beside wives and the formation of family. Quran believes that you can feel comfortable beside your wife. After young girls and boys form a family, they can feel comfortable. Then Quran expresses '' God has considered interest, friendship and kindness''. In other words, the basis of collaboration with each other should be based on friendship, kindness and mercy. Hence, since the club of family is the center of affection and kindness, it includes relaxing elixir for both husband and wife. This role of family reveals this reality that whenever family is deprived of this affection, its foundation weakens and it may disintegrate and it is one of factors that has made western families in the downgrade of declination and disintegration. According to Islamic religious trains, Husband and wife really want to get married; otherwise, if they marry each other without satisfaction, it will be like a building that is founded in the path of severe storm.
Hence, the underlying of this foundation should be based on the foundation of affection and friendship not on temporary instincts and lusts. In the ups and downs of marital life, this elixir of permanence should be observed and it should change to deeper and more rooted affection and friendship with moral principles, the familiarity of husband and wife with each other and the birth of children. The emphasis of the guidelines of religious texts on friendly relationship between husband and wife can be considered as proof on this topic. Islamic tradition prevents husbands and wives from hash behaviors toward each other and censure it.
One of other important features of the topic '' family'' is bearing children and fostering them. Children can learn to follow the way of the living of parents in the society. In fact, parents are the intermediate of the transfer of the ideals of the society to children. Children become social in the family. Becoming a social person in family is more than the matter of trains at home, learning some rules and accepting or rejecting family performance guarantees. In fact, this process is the beginning of internalizing the culture of the society by family and a child does not separate from that culture generally and he or she will it until the end of his or her life. In other words, apart from family manners, he or she internalizes society manners and they become as a part of his or her personality.
Moreover, the way of behaving a child is the ground of the formation and the fostering of his or her personality. Most of sociologists claim that the effect of childhood experiences is the way that some of its aspects change to '' secondary nature''.

3. Family and new changes

Family as a foundation has faced to new changes and has endured some changes at the present era and it has a completely new form in comparing to last centuries and decades. These changes include:

1-3 Family economy instead of individual economy and the cooperation of all family members in earning due to economic pressures:

There is no question that the actions and duties of families have changed and industrial and economic developments have highly influenced them. It is possible to study changes with three elements, time, culture and the needs of the era. In the past, most of jobs were done by family members and relatives. A family was located in a districted place and was supervised by relatives and tribe. All family members usually lived in a house along with father and mother and aunts, uncles and other relatives lived in neighborhood. Hence, relatives supervised the youths of families completely. At the present time, conditions are completely different and industrialization has changed the system of family and even the system of job. A family lives in an apartment that they do not know their next-door neighbor. The existence of fixed roles in traditional families such housekeeping and babysitting have changed completely. In the past, traditional family had economic aspect. Hence, the number of children was important, but it is not important now.
The foundation of family is moving toward equality, independence, respect, softness and a kind of feelings democracy. Therefore, industrial world has changed the form of house and family. The formation economic great institutes, large factories, the establishment of large cities and extended migrations are the results of industrialization that have had remarkable effects on family. Generally, there is a long distance between workplace and family in the new discipline of economy whereas there was not such a thing in the past.

2.3 The appearance of cultural new values in family such as education and learning foreign languages

The second topic that should be paid attention is education especially the education of women in the society that has changed the style of the life extremely. In the past, there was at least a school at a village and some girls learned Quran and Farsi literature so that they could recite Quran and read texts such Golestan Sadi. However, with the development of education ministry and superb training and the presence of women in these scientific centers, conditions have changed completely. Especially in recent decades, most of university students in educational and scientific centers are women and even in university entrance examination, the entrance of women to university has increased over fifty percent and the acceptance of girls is more than the acceptance of boys in most majors. There is no question that education, familiarity with new thoughts and theories and the creation of new values will be so effective in the life of persons and families.
On the other hand, universal communications have developed completely and the waves of radio, TV, satellite and Internet are not limited to specific boundary and district and they penetrate anywhere and this gets deeper and more extended day to day and they highly influence the life of persons and families and create new conditions for families.

3-3- The serious reduction of financial, material and emotional supports of families toward children

Weakening moral and spiritual matters and the coldness of emotional relationships in the society have left negative effects on the holiness of families. From the point of view of the Islam and Iranian culture, family is considered as a holy club whose aspects are changing. Giving up religious matters can threaten the consolidation of family. Emotions and interests among family members are not only the underlying of the consolidation of family, but it also makes the growth of children possible in such atmosphere. One of main reasons of this topic is the reduction of the holiness of marriage. In the past, equality was important in marriage and parents and the place of life determined it. However, marriage is a contract at the present time rather than a holy affair that forms the foundation of family. Shahid Motahari says about this case '' on one hand, the interests of husband and wife and on the other hand, the interests of parents and children have been formed by creation for the survival and training of future generations. Social emotions of human grow in families and the nature of parents makes the soul of a child calm. When we want to incite the feelings of two persons toward each other, we say that the persons of a nation are brother with each other or say that persons are the member of a family''.

4-3- The decrease of the authority of parents in family and its transfer to other foundations such as media and political authority and the change of the action of family

The contemporary sociologist, T. B. Batamur, divides the actions of family into four areas: sexual action, economic action, fertility action and education action. On the other hand, they can be divided into mental and social parts. Other sociologists have recognized four main social actions'' fertility, keeping mature children and making them sociable''. Moreover, Wil Davarant writes in the book '' the pleasures of philosophy'' the specific duty of a woman is to service preserve human generation and the specific duty of a man is to service women and children. They may have other duties, but they follow these two main duties based on wisdom and training''. Religious trains such as the verses of Quran have emphasized on the action of family, especially patents, as two main elements for the preservation of family foundation and they have considered the action of father and mother for the preservation of family important and critical.
However, the present action of family is completely different from its past action. In past, family was producer, consumer and an economic center. Family members met their needs by themselves. They kept pets beside living place and used their milk, meat, skin and fur. They provided their grains, fruits and vegetables from their own fields and gardens. Family was not only the center of training, emotion and comfort, but it was also the center of attempt, work, production and consumption. A warm and emotional club was completely prominent. According to the interpretation of a researcher, a traditional society is permanent, focuses on the enough expanses and its pivot is religious society. However, at the present time, house is usually the place of consumption rather than production. On the other hand, even the situations of consumption have changed. Most of employees and workers eat lunch and even breakfast out of home. Hence, the way of consumption is different from past.

5-3-The new system of communications and media

The new system of communications such as Internet and TV has caused that family members live individually. Each person watches his or her own favorite program and family members do not get together. In the past, family members got together and poured their hearts and consulted with each other. However, public media have separated family members and each family member is up to his or her own favorite activity on the corner of house. Little by little, communication among family members becomes less. Of course, in current conditions, most of trains and life skills are trained at home through Internet, satellite, TV and radio. At the present time, the sources of the formation of personality are through communication channels with the society and jobs channels. In the new society of technology, moral and religious unity as the features of traditional society can rarely be observed. Hence, most of values that were issued from families enter families. In other words, in the past, families were the sender of moral religious cultural values, but as time elapsed, they become consumer and each family member brings new values into house from out of house such as high school, university, society and Internet. Therefore, current conditions and the actions of families are completely different from the past.

6-3- The increase of marriages of couples without kinship relationship

In the past, most of marriages happened among women and men that had kinship relationship and were from the same tribe and a big family. But at the present time, most of marriages happen among men and women that do not have kinship relationship and marriages that happen among persons that have kinship relationship are decreasing. University can be a center that women and men can get familiar with each other and marriages may happen among them in the future. Moreover, office, factory, workplace, sport and cultural places, parks and other centers can be too.
Marriage age is completely different from past and economic problems can influence it. If the society faces to more economic problems, persons will marry in higher ages and it will lead to marriages in high ages. When there are economic benefits in the society, incomes are good and getting jobs is easy, marriage will happen easily as well. A thing that can make marriage easy is the matter of job getting. However, unfortunately, in current conditions, one of economic social important problems is the matter of unemployment, especially the unemployment of educated persons. When economic growth decreases, job chances will be few and when unemployment becomes more, marriage will not become common.
Of course, religious texts believe that the formation of family is one of factors getting rid of poverty and the means of achieving facilities and more comfort although most of Muslims consider lack of house, fixed income and specific job as the excuses of stopping getting married and being single. Quran says '' Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among yourselves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and he knoweth all things''. As it can be understood, the sacred verse tries to emphasize on the economic working of family and considers the formation of family and marriage effective in wealth increase and guarantees the provision of financial needs of family with two expressions '' Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all'' '' and he knoweth all things''.

7-3- The change of imperious and patriarchal relationships to logical and wise relationships (not necessarily woman democratic) and the reduction of man authority

Relationships among family members at home in modern life are completely different from the past. In the past, relationships were patriarchal and imperious, but new marital relationships are moving toward logical and wise relationships. The economic new structure has decreased gender differences between men and women and girls and boys remarkably although this change can be felicitous, but from time to time, this change may change to a problem. The increase of the education of women and getting jobs based on their education can influence the point of view and personality of women. Moreover, education encourages women to work out and women relationships, change in the system of authority in family are influenced by recognition, studies and the education of women. In the past, man was the economic authority of family, was called the bread winner of family and took the economic responsibility of family. But in present conditions, family economy organizes with the cooperation of couples instead of individual economy. Not only do men and women work, but a man has to work in full time in order to meet the expanses of the life. Hence, the conditions of the life are different from the past time.

8-3- The serious reduction of boundaries and gender differences between girl and boy and woman and man

9-3 The change of equality among families

The reduction and remarkable change of equality among families that result from the migration of rural persons, citizenship and industrialization have led to the weakness of kinship relationships.
10-3-Reaching out worldwide, the outbreak of universal culture and the creation of new manners in effect and being influenced
Unfortunately, the society and family have separated from religious and spiritual matters, commitment and Islamic morality that are considered as the main factors of family problems. Some social scientist predict that the conditions and form of family will change completely in the west in next decades. Toffler says '' in the future, we will observe temporary marriage instead of the kind of families at the present time''. The weakness of such a relationship can be considered as a shocking danger. There is such a danger for the west at the present time and it does not threaten our society at the present time. According to the culture of universalization and the closeness of societies to each other, the matters and the problems of the west will influence our society. In this way, general training and the extension of public media have increased the general information of new generation and have extended the area of their human and social communications. The most serious result of this is that first new generation becomes social soon and second, only the source of value is not family and its tradition when they want to become social, but they get familiar with new social cultural atmospheres that teach them different values and they become the factors of new needs.

4. Family and new worries

With regarding developments and positive or negative changes in families, there are a lot of worries among family members at the present time that will be mentioned:

1-4- Worry about the future of children

There are worry and insecure feeling about the future of children such as superb educations, marriage, job getting and …whereas families have less worry about such affairs in industrial societies. The first worry of parents in house is insecure feeling toward children. As soon as children reach the age of elementary training, finding an appropriate school is the first worry of family. After they are registered in school, if school is far from house, the way of going and coming back school will be the second worry of family. The educational quality of children, the insecure environment of school from moral aspect, classmates and friends that have behavioral problems and other worries until the end of elementary school and guidance school are the main worries of parents. After children get older and graduate from high school, the most important worry is entering university and educational major, the place of university and the conditions of education are other worries of parents. Next worry is job and it can be said that job creation is the most main worry of families. Then marriage is another worry; whom should they marry, when should they marry, what family should they marry and…All of these worries can threaten the comfort, security and intimacy of family members.

2-4 The feelings of women toward lack of rights, judicial and legal support

Another worry is about the rights of women in the society. Most of women, whether woman are single or married, feel insecure about lack of enough support about rights, judicial and legal matters and believe that law does not support them years in comparing to the past time.

3-4The worry of leisure time

Lack of planning for the leisure time of family causes that children tend cigarette and addiction.

4-4 lack of relationship between the foundation of family and cultural system

Family is not able to accept that their children attend the society and this vacuum has not filled yet. New communication means have simplified affairs and have had a lot of advantages, but they have caused the worries of parents toward their children. For example, the use of teenagers and youths from communication means such as cell phone, Internet, satellite and so forth has caused the worry of families.
The negative effect of political extremist tendencies in the society on family 4-
The most important worry is about social cultural political matters and problems that influence families because there is a close relationship between family and the society and family cannot be separated from the society. Sometimes, the matters of external policy influence family and spoil friendly atmosphere. As long as political disagreements and competitions are based on the framework of playing rules, they will not only be problematic, but they will also be useful for the society. However, when political disagreements become harsh and severe, do not follow the rules of playing and violate moral principles, they will have dangerous and stressful consequences for the foundation of family. When groups become radical and stand against each other, they make discomfort in the society. Similarly, such a situation may happen for all family members. In some families, such a situation may lead to disagreement and separation. These kinds of political matters can have a lot of effects on the emotional relationships of family and the comfort of family and family will turn into a place for discussion, struggle and disagreements instead of a safe and comfortable place and the comfort of all family members.

5. The coming dangers of families

When social gaps in the society change to ruptures, they can harm social unity, coherence and public trust. These social conditions can influence families and whenever such gaps enter families, they can create a lot of problems for them. A conspicuous problem about this area is disagreements and family argumentations that can result in cold relationship among family members and divorce that threatens the basis of family. Some of these threats threaten quality, family values, but others threaten the basis of family and its survival.
In the western countries, the statistics of divorce is high. For example, divorce in the first marriage is fifty percent in America and in the second marriage, it is sixty seven percent. Although divorce is thirty four percent in European Union, this statistics is higher. In 2005 in England, forty five percent marriages has resulted in divorce. In some societies that traditional customs are more respected, the statistics of divorce is lower. For example, the statistics of divorce is twenty seven percent in Japan that has better than the west. Unfortunately, in Iran the statistics of divorce is high in large cities especially in Tehran (the north part of Tehran). In the north of Iran, this number has reached 25 percent that can have very dangerous consequences.

6. Ways in order to consolidate family

1. The first step to consolidate family is prevention. In other words, it is the appropriate, wise and logical selection of spouse. The exact selection of spouse with enough analysis is the first step for prevention from the disintegration of family. Today it is what the scientist of social sciences have interpreted it as '' equality in marriage'' and religious trains have interpreted it as '' Kaful'' meaning equal. Equality in marriage is related to the matter of religion, nationality, culture and education first and appearance and social positions. Hence, it is observed that equality is a remarkable and important basis in marriage and the Islam has emphasized on it. When there are a lot of differences about the selection of spouse in the aspects of thinking and cultural and social matters, the family life will have a lot of problems. Hence, the first matter is attention to the selection of spouse.
2. The second case is educational necessities. Training students and university students in the levels of high school and university should be done enough because some courses in high school and university about the matters of family and necessary trains about different aspects for the future of youths and the right selection of spouse are necessary and this affair should be paid attention by the government and educational system. Apart from educational centers, media have heavy responsibility. Group media, especially national media, should have more attention to family matters and movies and serials should be made to train the grounds of the consolidation of family.
3. The recognition of women and men toward spiritual, moral and physical differences has remarkable importance because the exact recognition differences, the acceptance of duties and responsibilities by couples and the division of duties in family can reduce differences in family life.
4 Persons need a pattern in order to continue their path and it is necessary that they follow a pattern from a family that is representative of affection, happiness, and success in the affair of marriage and the formation of family. It is good that the youths of our society consider an ideal family of the beginning of the Islam (Hazrat Ali and Hazrat Fateme) as a pattern.
5. One of the purposes of family formation to give birth to children to preserve generation. The responsibility acceptance of couples in training, supervision on the actions and behaviors of children and the meeting of their needs are necessary in order to establish comfort in family. Sometimes, the destiny of children and their actions may disintegrate the foundation of family and it results in the separation of couples. The implementation of religious orders about training righteous children and deepening the foundation of beliefs and religious values in family help to consolidate it.
6. Faithfulness of husband and wife toward each other and respecting the rights of each other are emphasized in verses and Islamic narrations and they are necessary affairs. Imam Ali (peace be upon him) states
جهادالمرئة حسن التبّعل
'' The jihad of woman is to get along with her husband in a desirable and good way''.
« الکاد علي عياله کالمجاهد في سبيل الله »
'' A person that tries to meet the needs of his family is like a person that does jihad in the path of God''. Hence, when the point of views of women and men are based on this foundation, the foundation of a family becomes firmer than last day and no danger will threaten it''.
7. Moderation and frugality in the life and prevention from prodigality and prudence in the family life keep the honor of family and they will be moral principles for children in the future.
8. The recognition of the weak points and the consistent evaluation of our actions and children and the awareness of dangers for family should be considered regularly and no neglect should happen about this. The mistakes of family members should be recognized as soon as possible and they should be solved. All orders and prohibitions as functions and religious orders should be considered and the behavior of family members should be evaluated according to them. Hence, such a family will not decline and disintegrate.
9. Sometimes, there may be contrasts between Iranian traditions, religious norms and beliefs and the role of different cultures can be seen clearly. We should relate these two point of views with open and realistic mind and consider Iranian culture within the framework of religious recommendations that will be active and permanent for all generations and eras and it should be observed as the map of the path of family and it should not be ignored.
10. Another important point is the matter tolerance. It means lack of difficult rules in thoughts and beliefs. Quran expresses about this area
« ضَرَبَ اللَّهُ مَثَلًا لِّلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا اِمْرَأَةَ نُوحٍ وَاِمْرَأَةَ لُوطٍ كَانَتَا تَحْتَ عَبْدَيْنِ مِنْ عِبَادِنَا صَالِحَيْنِ فَخَانَتَاهُمَا فَلَمْ يُغْنِيَا عَنْهُمَا مِنَ اللَّهِ شَيْئًا »
''Allah sets forth, for an example to the Unbelievers, the wife of Noah and the wife of Lut: they were (respectively) under two of our righteous servants, but they were false to their (husbands), and they profited nothing before Allah on their account''.
God mentions the wives of Hazrat Lut and Hazrat Nuh that were the wives of two righteous persons that became unbeliever, betrayed their husbands and because they were the wives of prophets, they were not tortured. Quran reminds important matter and mentions the wives of two prophets. Hazrat Nuh and Hazrat Lut were the great prophets of God, but their wives were unbeliever and did not believe in God. The prophets of God lived with women that were different with them in the most important matter, religion and beliefs and Quran says that they became unbeliever and did not believe in God at all.
Hence, it can be observed that there was a lot of tolerance in the dynasty of the prophet and the prophet of God lived in a house with a woman that was polytheist and unbeliever. This matter shows the importance of tolerance in families. Quran also mentions another example;
« وَضَرَبَ اللَّهُ مَثَلًا لِّلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اِمْرَأَةَ فِرْعَوْنَ إِذْ قَالَتْ رَبِّ ابْنِ لِي عِندَكَ بَيْتًا فِي الْجَنَّةِ وَنَجِّنِي مِن فِرْعَوْنَ وَعَمَلِهِ »
''And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe the wife of Pharaoh: Behold she said: "O my Lord! Build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden, and save me from Pharaoh and his doing''.
God mentions the name of the wife of Freon as an example for persons that have believed in God. The wife of Freon wants God to make her get rid of Freon and his actions and to send her to the heaven. A woman lives in the house of Freon as the wife of the tyrant ruler that believes in God and wants God to save him. But such a devout woman lived with her husband for years. Hence, it can be seen that devout persons with thoughts and beliefs had a lot of tolerance in last centuries.
During life stages, since there are natural differences between a couple, their tolerance decreases whereas Quran mentions the good examples of tolerance. Faithfulness, commitment, selflessness and love are the basic pillars of the consolidation of a family. According to the sacred verse of Quran, affection and mercy should be formed in families.
11. The activity of organizations about the area of consultation before and after marriage and their support have remarkable importance. Of course, these organizations have had good activities in recent years.




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